So Many Things To Tell
by Ozfan
Summary: Anya and Giles and oodles of sexual tension. From Grave onward. Told from Anya's POV mostly because I really, really like her now, especially after the season finale.
1. Default Chapter

**So Many Things To Tell**

**By ozfan**

Part 1

People say she doesn't think before she speaks. That she is too blunt, too honest. But that isn't necessarily the case. Not anymore. She has learned. Everyone around her keeps secrets and refuses to speak the truth, so she is learning by example. Still, she wishes she could tell Giles what is really on her mind right now.

"There are so many things I want to tell you," she whispers. 

_You're a great kisser_

_You look so good without your glasses_

_You look so good with your glasses_

_I missed you. Not just missed Giles the ex-Watcher, or Giles the coworker. I missed Giles the… Giles._

_Did I mention you're a great kisser?_

Instead, she swallows hard. "Thank you for coming," she says. His head is in her lap, and she holds him. She realizes that if the world has to end now, this isn't such a bad place to be.

Through the haze of pain, it comes to Giles, a flash of knowledge, and he can see Xander there, in front of Willow.

"There," he whispers in relief. He looks up and sees Anya's lovely face (_Was it always so lovely? Were her eyes always this full of humanity?), her blonde hair a halo around her. "It's not over." And, because he is dying, he no longer cares about decorum. He takes her hand. She grasps it firmly._

He's gone, he's just gone, and there's nothing she can do about it. She puts her head in her hands, the sadness nearly unbearable. She wants to go and hold him but this death, this is colder than any vengeance and her heart is breaking. She still doesn't understand. No one ever explained to her why. And now it won't matter because the world is ending…

Except the shaking has stopped, and there is peace. And there is Giles, sitting up, and before she thinks she rushes to him and hugs him. Hurts him. Woops. She never did figure out how to go easy with the hugging thing.

Giles is explaining about the magic, and about Xander. How he saved the world. She feels pride, but she also finds herself looking at Giles' mouth as he talks. _Such a nice mouth. She smiles, and Giles smiles back. The moment pauses, stretches out. She realizes she is still holding his hand. They seem to share a secret, something no one else ever needs to know._

Finally, Anya sits back. Giles reluctantly lets go of her hand. The moment has passed.

"Let's get you to a hospital," she says. "Or, no. Wait! I should call an ambulance. That's what people do at moments like this." Anya runs to the phone but it is dead. No connection, unsurprisingly. 

"I don't think they'd know what to do with these types of injuries anyway," he grins. She helps him up, and together they walk arm in arm slowly through the rubble. 

"I'm… I'm very happy you're not dead, Giles," she says quietly. They walk outside, and the sun is warm and bright. Giles peers up at the sky, a cloudless blue. So perfect. It is almost too much to take in. He stumbles when he realizes what has just been faced and beaten.

"Giles!" Anya holds him up, but barely. He motions to a bench and she leads him to it. He sits and catches his breath. Anya tries her best to wipe the blood from his cut lip. He watches her face.

"You look different," Giles says softly. "And not just the hair."

"Well, this is a new shirt too."

Giles grins. "No, you look… you look grown up somehow."

Anya looks down at her hands. "I became a vengeance demon again. Maybe that's the difference."

Giles shakes his head. "No. That wasn't a vengeance demon back there risking her life to protect her friends. That was a woman. A good person."

Before she knows it her eyes are tearing up. This happens so rarely to her and she finds it extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable. She blinks rapidly to stop the tears.

"I'm sorry about what happened between you and Xander," Giles says. "And I'd offer you my handkerchief, but I don't have one."

Anya wipes the tears off her face and laughs despite herself. "You're such a gentleman, Giles. Always so kind." She isn't used to kindness, not really.

"Anya, what you choose to do now, with your powers, it's up to you." Giles reaches to touch the amulet around her neck, where her skin is cool. "You can destroy this, or you can choose not to. But I trust you, no matter what."

"Please don't go back to England," she blurts. "It was awful without you." She hugs him again, impulsively, afraid to let go. 

"We'll see," Giles says quietly. He is very tired. He rests his head against Anya's, and he absently plays with her hair. "We'll see."


	2. Part 2

Awkward doesn't begin to describe the strangeness of the mini-Scooby reunion, post–diverged-apocalypse number 4, or is that, 5. Maybe 6 even? Anya is too overwhelmed to think straight. On the couch are Buffy and Dawn, sitting closer than she ever remembers them sitting before. They speak quietly to each other. Buffy does not leave Dawn's side.

There sits Giles in the chair, looking much more comfortable now that Buffy has tended to his injuries. He sips his tea in silence. Anya had made a whole pot and has joined him. A tea party. A tea party in the Summers home after they were almost murdered by Willow. Welcome to Sunnydale.

Of the missing. Tara. Gone, her blood stain still on the carpet upstairs. Was it only hours ago that she was here, alive, smiling? It is too much to take in. Shock is a wonderful, numbing thing, Anya decides.

Spike. Gone, without a trace and without a word. Buffy told them, very quickly, that he will be gone for a while according to Clem. When Dawn mutters "Good," the rest are confused.

And of course, Xander and Willow, not present. They are back at Xander's apartment. Xander had called. Willow was Willow again and should they come by? Buffy, by way of the gutter mouth, told Xander Willow was not welcome here. Heated arguments ensued. They could practically hear Xander's pleas on the other side of the phone. In the end it was agreed (or rather, insisted by Buffy) that it would not be wise for Willow to come here in the near future. Anya was relieved. A part of her wanted to see Xander, a part of her, strangely, didn't.

The clock ticks loudly in the background. "How's your tea?" Anya breaks the silence.

Giles has been looking at her, but when she looks at him directly he looks away. "Strong… good... thank you."

"Anya," Buffy suddenly says. Then she pauses. She seems to struggle with the words. "Thank you." Their eyes meet and hold. Anya nods, smiles tentatively, not sure what to say. She only knows those words make her feel good. The strange, tight feeling of sadness in her chest loosens a little.

After another long silence Anya becomes impatient. "This is tense, isn't it?" she finally says. She looks around. "What were all the other post-near-apocalypse gatherings like?"

Giles lets out an unexpected snort of laughter. 

"How is that funny? This is a serious question. I wasn't around for the Master, or for Angelus, and I didn't know you all very well after the Mayor, so I'm wondering, what is going to happen now?" Anya crosses her arms and waits for an answer. They all look at each other, at a loss.

"Well, you can start by cleaning up the Magic Box tomorrow," Giles says. "But first I suggest we all get completely snockered."

"Me too?" Dawn brightens.

Buffy begins to object, but in the midst of absurdity it seems irrelevant. "Oh, what the hell. Have a drink."

Anya decides to forego the alcohol. The last time she got plastered there were devastating consequences and she refuses to think about that awful night so she stays busy playing bartender. She thoroughly enjoys watching the rest of them slowly ease away from numbness and shock into silliness thanks to lots of alcohol. Two hours later Dawn is asleep on the floor by the sofa, having passed out a while ago after 1 strong mixed drink. Buffy has been singing (quite badly) a variation of that annoying song "Oops I Did It Again" but she is putting in her own lyrics about saving the world. She gives Anya yet another in a series of sloppy hugs.

"Anya, let me tell you, you are one brave vengeance demon. And I love your hair." Buffy grins up at her. "I love _you."_

"How nice," Anya grins tightly, hugging her back awkwardly. Buffy becomes teary-eyed. Again.

"Hey, we should go shopping one of these days! We've never done that, jus the two of us." Buffy holds on to Anya's arm for support and tries to focus. 

"Well, no, you're right, we haven't. I don't have girlfriends. Is that what girlfriends do?"

"Hey, I'm your friend who's a girl! Want me to give you a manicure?" Before waiting for a reply, she suddenly goes over to Giles.

"I love you, Giles," Buffy says, all teary-eyed again. "I love my friends."

Giles is not drunk on the level of Buffy even though he has had more scotch than she has. He does seem very tipsy, however, and he lets Buffy hug him unreservedly. 

"Please don't offer me a manicure as well, Buffy."

"No, won't do that. That's silly. I'm sleepy." Buffy sits on the floor next to Dawn and rests her head on the back of the couch. Soon she is asleep and snoring rather loudly.

Anya begins to clean up the empty glasses.

"So." Giles says, watching her.

"So," Anya echoes. That odd tightness is back in her chest, a strange, curiously excited feeling. 

Giles tries to get out of the chair and winces.

"Let me help," Anya says simply. 

"No, I'm…"

"In a lot of pain and slightly drunk. For Pete's sake, I won't bite." At the realization of what she just said, Anya's face becomes very hot.

Giles stares, amazed. "Anya, you're… blushing. I have never, ever seen you blush."

"Is this blushing?" Anya touches her cheek. "I'm embarrassed at what I said. This must be a side effect." Uncomfortable, Anya shrugs it off. "Come on, up you go, Rupert." She stands in front of him and holds out her hands. He lets her pull him up, but she does so too quickly and he almost falls on her. She grabs hold of him and steadies him and the heat is back in her face, only this time it seems to spread to her limbs as well. 

"You're still blushing," Giles says quietly, his face inches from hers.

"Am I?" Anya says, or rather, croaks, because her throat is dry. "It's warm in here."

"It is, rather, isn't it."

His arms feel so, so good around her. And he smells so, so good too, warm and male and… sexy. Sexy. She finds Giles downright sexy. She does not move.

"What were the things you wanted to tell me?" Giles says softly. Anya frowns in confusion, then remembers. She looks down, embarrassed. She never gets embarrassed, never. _What is happening to me? "Well, it… it doesn't matter now, does it? Because you're okay now."_

"Am I?"

His voice sounds funny. Anya looks up and that's when he kisses her. He breaks it off almost as suddenly as it started. She hears him swear under his breath.

"Anya, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"You are?"

"Are you?"

"Well, I am if _you are."_

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Giles kisses her again, and her arms wind around him and she opens up to him like a flower.

There will be time later, she thinks in a haze as her hands go under his shirt to feel his skin. Time later to mourn and to rage and to act rational and to do the right thing. This kiss deepens, becomes urgent. There will be time later to realize how very wrong this is. Together they move to the kitchen, still kissing, now out to the back porch, where the night air is cool and fragrant. There will be time later for her to think. But now is not the time.


	3. Part 3

Part 3

Anya stares in the bathroom mirror as if looking at a stranger. Her lips are swollen from kissing and her cheeks are flushed. She smoothes back her hair and attempts to wipe the idiotic grin off her face. She washes her hands and then runs out of the bathroom to go back outside, only to practically collide with Buffy, who is standing, or rather, swaying outside the bathroom door.

"Hi there. Excuse me!" Anya says with forced cheer. Buffy leans her head against Anya's shoulder.

"Don't feel good," Buffy mumbles. 

"There there," Anya says awkwardly, patting Buffy rather roughly on the back. 

"When am I ever going to learn?" Buffy groans, grasping Anya's hand as she moves into the bathroom. With Anya's help, Buffy sits down on the cool bathroom tile by the toilet. Exasperated, torn, Anya looks down at her pasty-looking friend, then at the door, picturing Giles waiting for her on the porch. _I'll be right back, she had whispered against his lips. Buffy looks up at Anya and smiles gratefully._

"Crap," Anya sighs, then reaches for a washcloth and runs it under cold water.

"Here you go, Buffy," Anya says, squatting down. She pushes Buffy's hair out of her eyes and puts the folded, cool washcloth on her forehead. "How's that?"

Buffy murmurs something and nods. "Feels good. Thank you, Anya."

"Is she all right?" 

Anya looks up to see Giles standing in the doorway. She stands up and heads toward him, but then stops when she notices he has his jacket on. _Why does he have his jacket on?_

"What? Oh." Anya looks over her shoulder at Buffy, who appears to be passed out again. "Yes. She's fine. I was just coming back outside to…"

"I have to go," Giles cuts her off.

"… see you," Anya finishes, confused. 

"There are things I have to take care of. I should not have put it off. Time for Willow is running out. I need to get to Xander's and then get her out of here. I just called there and said I was on my way." Giles is looking at Buffy, not at her. Anya frowns. He sounds so… distant. 

"You're just going to leave? Can't you wait until morning, when they wake up? Or until you're better?" Anya wonders if she sounds as disappointed as she feels.

"I'm all right. And I will come back. After I take care of Willow. Tell them that." Finally he looks at her, and she sees something flicker in his eyes before it is gone. He looks at her patiently, as though she were a child, or a student of his.

Anya draws herself up, smiles coolly. She vowed never again to become an emotional wreck over any man, never again. Besides, it was only a kiss. Or, technically, several kisses, spanning well over an hour. And some touching too. _Whatever, as Dawn would say. "Well, have a pleasant trip, then. Excuse me." She steps past him and goes into the living room. _

"Anya…" Giles says, following her.

"Yes?" Anya sits down on the sofa and picks up a month-old TV Guide and pretends to become absorbed by the cover.

"I would not hurt you for the world, I hope you know that."

Anya laughs, not a pleasant sound. "Don't worry, Giles. You won't get the chance. I too know the shame of drunken behavior. We'll just never speak of it. That's what we all do, right? Pretend everything's fine."

Giles looks down at Dawn's sleeping form on the floor. He looks at Anya, who is turning pages furiously. "I wasn't drunk. And I am not ashamed," he says quietly. When she does not look up, he simply leaves. It takes all of Anya's willpower not to throw the TV Guide at him, or run after him, or ask him to take her with him, wherever they are going. She does none of these things. The house is silent and feels very empty, and Anya realizes she feels very empty too.

She is careful, very careful not to touch him in places where he might still be in pain. He does not want to be careful. His hands are on either side of her face and he kisses her. Her back is pressed against the house and he leans into her, the length of his body covering hers. 

"You're lovely," he whispers, pulling back to look down at her. Her eyes are so wide as they look up at him, filled with wonder. 

"Kiss me again, please," she breaths.

"If you insist."

She begins to laugh and he smothers the sound with a kiss. 

"Don't stop. Ever," Anya murmurs.

"Don't stop what?"

_What was Dawn's voice doing here? Anya opens one eye. Dawn is standing over her, frowning. Anya turns over on the sofa and tries to fall back asleep, but it is too bright in the room. It is morning._

"Want some coffee? I made coffee. I love sleepovers. Where's Giles?" Dawn is talking too fast, but Anya finds it oddly endearing.

"Yes to coffee, yay to you making coffee, I'm too old for sleepovers, and Giles is gone." Anya sits up and stretches. Dawn hands her a mug.

"Gone? You mean gone for good gone? Again?"

"No, no. Just gone as in, having to do something with Willow and he'll be back soon gone."

Dawn sits down next to Anya. "Do you think he will? Be back soon, I mean?"

Anya touches her lips gently. Still swollen. She sighs. "I don't know."

Anya and Dawn sip their coffee together in companionable silence. When Buffy finally comes downstairs, she looks tired but not too hung over. Dawn hands over her own cup of coffee and Buffy takes a grateful swing. Anya tells them what Giles said before leaving. Buffy nods, her face calm. She seems to understand better than Anya ever could. But then again, Buffy is used to them leaving. All of them, one after another. Anya doesn't like the feeling at all. First Xander, now this. No, not "now this." This is nothing like, that. It isn't. She doesn't know how she feels about Xander, but she knows she simply CANNOT have feelings for Giles. It is crazy. It is beyond silly. _It feels so good._

Anya stops her chain of thoughts by standing up quickly and stretching her back. "Well, thanks for letting me sleep here. Now that the Magic Box is demolished I won't be sleeping in the back room anymore."

"Is that where you've been staying?" Buffy asks.

Anya shrugs. "Why waste good, hard-earned American dollars on a motel room when there's a perfectly good sofa back there?"

"You must have been so lonely," Dawn says.

"Hey. Could be worse. I could be lonely and dead." Her attempt at humor fails to get a laugh, like always. She really has to work on her delivery.

"Well, I'm going to check on the store, see how bad the structural damage is, and all that fun stuff." Anya needs to get out of this house because since she's here all she thinks about is Giles and kissing, and then Giles leaving, and she needs to be at her store where she can focus, or at the very least count money.

"Want help?" Xander says from the doorway.

Dawn gives out a yelp of joy and launches at Xander. Buffy follows, joining them in a big group hug. Anya hangs back, her hands clasped in front of her. Over the heads of the Summers girls Xander's eyes meet Anya's. She is frozen.

"Hello, ladies. Miss me?" Xander pulls himself away, still looking at Anya. Anya clears her throat, and then it hits her that she gets to see Xander again. He is alive and well. He saved them all. Despite the unfamiliar and unpleasant feelings of guilt and confusion battling away in her stomach, Anya is so relieved to know he is okay. She smiles then, smiles to find herself still a part of this odd group of people, smiles because she is alive and she no longer feels so empty.

"Did you see Giles?" Buffy asks as they all file into the kitchen. Anya watches Xander root through the cupboards. He stops and looks at Buffy.

"Look, I know you don't want to hear about… about Willow, but Giles took her away. She isn't doing well at all. Whatever she went through almost destroyed her. After she stopped crying she just sat in a strange trance, just sweating and feverish and it scared the hell out of me. Giles is taking her back to England, to a coven or something."

"He said something yesterday about Willow maybe not surviving this." Buffy looks at Xander. Something passes between them, a look among old friends, mourning the near-loss of one of their best friends. They were the core, the three original Scoobies. Anya never was a part of it, not really, and to tell the truth she doesn't really mind that anymore. She feels so much older than them, always has. 

"Is he gonna, you know, just teleport there with her? Is that possible?"

Xander shrugged. "Giles hardly said anything at all. Except that he'd try to be back for… for Tara's funeral." 

The funeral. Who is going to plan the funeral? Why does there even have to be a funeral? Why did Tara have to die? Anya feels that same horrible resentment at these human emotions. She thought becoming a vengeance demon again would rid her of all this pain, but it is all there, and it hurts.

"We'll have to do that today," Buffy said, her voice sad. "I'll take care of it. She deserves that."

Xander looks at Anya and tries to break the tension. "Hey, uh, speaking of teleporting, what's up with that new skill?"

Anya shrugs. "It's rather simple, really. If done right. I'll miss it."

"Huh?"

Anya takes out the amulet from underneath her shirt and unlatches it. She holds it up, watching the light catch the stone.

Giles said she had a choice. That what she did with her powers was up to her. He believed in her. She looks at Xander and smiles sadly. The pain is gone, she realizes. The pain over him, the reason she became a vengeance demon again. The reasons simply were not there anymore. 

"Hand me that frying pan, Buffy," Anya says, placing the amulet down on the counter. Buffy raises her eyebrows, but does as asked. Anya looks across the counter at them. She smiles.

"Vengeance shmengeance," she says cheerfully, then smashes the frying pan down on the amulet. 


	4. Part 4

Part 4

"Is it bad?"

"It's completely smashed."

"Damn, Anya, you really meant business."

They gather round, looking down at the damage done.

"I'm sorry about that, Buffy. I'll pay for restitution."

Buffy sighs and studies the big crack in the counter that Anya left when she tried (and failed) to smash her amulet.

"I'm just saying, you could have taken it outside and tried smashing it on the driveway, is all."

Anya frowns, staring at her intact amulet. "Do you think I should try it again with something... sharper, perhaps? Or heavier? Do you have an _iron skillet?"_

"I don't think you should destroy it. That whole teleporting thing is way cool," Dawn interjects, munching on an open box of cereal. Buffy raises her eyebrows at her younger sister.

"What? I just mean, she helped out a lot as a vengeance demon yesterday. Could come in handy down the road."

Buffy looks at Anya, a question in her eyes. "She does have a point. A twisted point, but a point nonetheless. Maybe you could wait a bit? Think it over?"

"I don't want to hurt people anymore," Anya says. She wants to talk to Giles about this, she realizes. He'd know what to say. She puts the amulet around her neck, then hides it under her shirt. She could do that. She could think it over.

"I'm going to the store now, " she says, needing to be away suddenly. It is too strange, too hard, being this close to Xander after everything has happened. He seems to sense this, and his eyes are sad as he looks at her.

"Do you need help?" he offers. 

"No," Anya says quickly. Too quickly. She smiles a little. "No, but thanks. You stay with Buffy and Dawn."

Xander almost looks relieved. Anya feels like she is looking at someone she knew a long time ago, when she was a very different person. She leaves quickly, confused by her feelings. It is odd, she thinks as she walks down the sidewalk in the warm morning sun, how a near-death experience and a few incredible kisses can change a girl's perspective on things.

************************************************************************************
    
    _Ample make this bed._
    
    _Make this bed with awe;_
    
    _In it wait till judgment break_
    
    _Excellent and fair._
    
    _Be its mattress straight,_
    
    _Be its pillow round;_
    
    _Let no sunrise' yellow noise_
    
    _Interrupt this ground._

Anya watches Buffy read the poem as she stands by Tara's grave. It is a lovely day, and Anya feels the sting of tears in the back of her eyes as she looks at the coffin. Tara's family refused to come, but there are many friends from the university there, and teachers, and of course, Buffy, Dawn, and Xander. Xander stands with his arm around Dawn, who is crying. Giles could not make it back for the funeral. He had called Buffy this morning and said the flight was delayed, and teleporting was out of the question. For him. A one-time-only deal, apparently. She wishes she could lend him the power, because she knows he wanted to be here. 

Overhead, birds sing, too happy a sound for this occasion, but suddenly Anya has a flashback of she and Tara sitting at the table in the Magic Box thumb wrestling. Such a stupid memory to have right now, but it makes her smile anyway. Tara looking at her quietly but with that humorous spark in her eye as she won yet another round. Tara's hand in hers as they thumb wrestled. She'd never held a friend's hand before as a human. Not for a thousand years, at least. And it felt really nice.

Afterwards there is a small gathering at Buffy's house. Anya is glad they weren't all forced to wear black. Buffy said, rightly so, that Tara wouldn't have liked that. It looks more like a regular party than a funeral. Students and faculty tell stories of Tara in class, of how she slowly came out of her shell and spoke up as the semesters went on, of how intelligent she was, how kind. Anya suddenly remembers making fun of Tara's stutter when she first met her, and she feels a terrible shame.

"What is that poem you read?" Dawn asks Buffy as they clean up after the last guest has gone. Anya finds herself staying and helping without being asked. Lately Anya doesn't know what to make of herself and her strange behavior. Utterly confusing, but she realizes she likes it.

"It's an Emily Dickinson poem. I remember Willow saying how much Tara liked Emily Dickinson. I found the book upstairs, and that poem was highlighted. It seemed... like the right one." Buffy's eyes are sad but her voice is calm.

"I'm nobody, who are you?" Anya murmurs. Xander, who is helping with the clean-up, raises his eyebrows quizzically. Anya smiles sadly at the memory. "Something Tara and I used to joke about together," she explains. "She told me it was something Emily Dickinson wrote. Sometimes, we sort of felt.... like outsiders here. We were the nobodys, so we'd ask each other that every once in a while." 

Xander frowns. "You weren't... aren't... an outsider, An. You aren't a nobody."

"I know that now. I didn't feel that way then. Neither did she at first. That's all." Her throat is becoming tight. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to remember these things right now." Anya turns and walks out of the living room, her head starting to pound.

Later she sits in the darkness of the Magic Box, behind the counter, weeping. She weeps for Tara, for herself, for all the people she hurt and destroyed over the centuries, even for Willow, who may never recover. She is unacquainted with guilt and unaccustomed to so much sorrow. First Joyce, now Tara, and God knows who is next. She doesn't know anything anymore, but she knows it feels good to cry for some stupid human reason, so she lets herself cry where no one can see her.

"Anya, darling, don't cry."

That voice. That voice that has haunted her for the past few days. She looks up. Giles is leaning over the counter, looking down at her. Upside-down Giles, here, offering her a handkerchief. _Did he call me darling?_

"Thank you," she says, taking the handkerchief and blowing her nose loudly. She remembers Xander correcting her for doing that once. Giles doesn't correct her, only smiles.

"What on earth are you doing here all alone tonight?" Giles asks, coming around to join her behind the counter, putting down a bag. He reaches a hand out to help her up, and she lets him.

"I'm always alone. It's all right. This is where I've been staying," she says. "We buried Tara today."

"I know. The plane just got in. I'm so sorry I missed it."

"They... they had an open casket. I never saw one of those before. She looked peaceful. She looked so pretty, Giles." She is crying again, huge sobs that make her shake. Her face is buried in the handkerchief because she is embarrassed to be crying like this, but Giles doesn't seem to mind. "I thought it was a disgusting thing to do, have an open casket. But Dawn... when Tara died... Buffy said she sat with the body and saw it turn cold. She saw Tara with all the blood on her. We didn't want that to be the last image she had of her. And I'm glad I got to see her one more time, Giles. I'm glad."

The last part of her sentence is muffled because Giles has pulled her to him and holds her while she cries.

"I'm getting your shirt all wet," she mumbles, breathing in his wonderful scent that somehow calms her. She closes her eyes and lets herself feel, for a moment, safe.

"Don't worry. I'll take the dry cleaning bill out of the Magic Box account."

"Well, I really don't think that's necess..." Anya looks up. "Wait, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

He nods. He is still holding her.

"I'm terrible with the sarcasm thing," she sighs. "I don't really understand it. I always find it saves time and energy to get straight to the point and why did you come here first?"

"What?"

Anya pulls back slightly. She looks at Giles' suitcase on the floor. "You came here straight from the airport. You didn't go to Buffy's first?"

"No, I... I... this is on the way from the airport and... and Buffy had mentioned that you had been staying here so I wanted to make sure..." 

He is so, so adorable when he is at a loss for words, she thinks.

"You came to see me first. I'm never first," she says with wonder and true confusion. 

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," he says quietly. He meets her eyes then and she forgets how to breathe. 

"Really? Me too," she says, the truth just blurting out. Then the truth continues.

"I would worry about Willow and mourn for Tara and then I'd be ashamed because I would remember kissing you," he says. They are still holding each other, and she can feel his heart pounding.

"Like you said, Anya, it saves time and energy to get straight to the point," Giles says, his hands now in her hair, his eyes so intense as they stare into hers. 

"Then let's get to the point," she says quickly, and she kisses him.

"I'm sorry I left so abruptly," he says, kissing her back. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

She shakes her head, smiling. Her hands are unbuttoning his shirt with a will of their own. "It doesn't matter now. You're back."

And then there isn't much talking after that.


	5. Part 5

Author: ozfan   
Summary: Come on, after Grave, who didn't see the oodles of sexual tension between Giles and Anya?  
Timeline: During and immediately following the events of "Grave."   
Series: Fifth and final part of "So Many Things To Tell"  
Pairing: Giles/Anya  
Rating: R.   
Part 5: The end of my very first real fic. Thanks to everyone at TWoP, especially the chatters, for their help and support. This has been a strange but fun exercise in writing. And special thanks to little_bit for being a beta goddess.

*****

She watches him at first as she moves. She wants to see his expression. She raises herself up and then slowly moves back down. Her hair, slicked with sweat, sticks to her cheek, and she hisses as he pushes up to meet her. His eyes open then, and he grabs her waist, says her name. ****

The first time was slow. He seemed to want to learn her body, and he took it slow. This time she is in control, and she is urgent. He doesn't seem to mind. He says her name again, whispers it like a prayer, and she covers him like a blanket, bare chest to bare chest. He tastes her neck and she shudders with pleasure. She clenches herself around him and she smiles when he gasps. 

"Anya, wait…"

"No." It feels too good to wait, she thinks. But then he grabs her and rolls so that he is on top. She stares up at him, trying to catch her breath. 

"Yes," he says, his voice low, and then he pulls away and spreads her legs slowly apart with his hands and his head dips down to taste her, and Anya tries hard not to cry out. It doesn't work. She hears her voice as if from far away, calling his name. ****

*****

Anya stays curled around him, listening to his heartbeat. She feels very, very drunk, and very, very happy. And really hungry, actually. Her stomach rumbles, loudly, and Giles puts his hand on her flat belly. ****

"Does fantastic sex make you hungry too, Giles?"

"Fantastic?" Giles says. Anya looks up at him and nods. He looks flustered and happy. He simply nods back. She smiles brightly.

"We're naked. Me and you. Naked! This is so much fun." Anya sits up. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"Well… wait. Why are you grinning at me like that?"

"Because you're lovely, and I never thought I'd ever be sitting here, or rather, lying here like this. With you."

Anya raises her eyebrows. "Never? You _never thought about it?"_

Giles bends his arm and puts it under his head as a pillow. "Of course not. That would be improper." His eyes are teasing.

"Come on," Anya teases back, waiting. Finally Giles sighs.

"Alright. There have been a few times, working along side you here in the shop, and you'd dress in those skimpy clothes…"

"Skimpy? I always dress in the appropriate Southern California fashion." ****

"Anya, dear, your Halloween costume last year was not exactly subtle. I saw almost as much of that beautiful behind in those shorts as I do right now."

"Well, would you rather have me covered in _tweed all the time?"_

"What's wrong with tweed?"

They stare at each other, frowning, and then Giles starts laughing. He sits up and kisses Anya full on the lips.

"What am I going to do with you?" he says.

"What do you want to do with me?"

"Everything. I want to do everything."

"I think we _did everything, Giles."_

"Then we should do it again."

"Okay!" 

*****

"Stop fidgeting."

"I'm _not fidgeting," Anya says, fixing her knee-length skirt. Giles looks pointedly at her hands, and Anya sits on them._

"You look very nice," Giles comments, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you. I sold all my skimpy clothes and only packed tweed."

"Very funny."****

When the door swings open, Giles slowly moves his hand away. Anya takes a deep breath and watches Xander, Buffy, and Dawn enter the store. She and Giles had cleared a space for them to sit amidst the broken rubble.

"Let the Scooby meeting begin. We have snacks," Xander announces, putting a… vegetable tray on the table?

Xander shrugs at the look of confusion on Anya's face. "Buffy's been getting after me to eat healthy. She said she'd eat more if I ate less." ****

"I so did NOT say that, Xander!" Buffy shoots back. Anya smiles. Once upon a time, their banter would have made Anya feel jealous or insecure. Now, she just finds it oddly comforting. They'll have each other, she thinks, always. 

Giles sits across from Anya. Their eyes meet and hold. He looks so handsome in his black shirt. She misses the glasses. She likes the shorter hair. She wants to kiss him some more. He seems to read her thoughts since her stare has been concentrating on his mouth, and he shakes his head slightly with a very knowing look in his eye. Anya tries to look innocent. She is still sitting on her hands.

"Well, I will cut to the chase, as you Americans say."

"Where does that saying come from, anyway?" Dawn says, frowning. "And what is the British equivalent?"

"I think the British equivalent is '_shh'," Xander says. _

"Guys? Not allowing Giles to cut to the chase, here," Buffy interrupts, munching on a carrot. "Please. Continue, Giles."

"It is at times like this that I miss wearing my glasses so I could take them off and clean them while you all expound on God-knows-what," Giles sighs.

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

"Right. As you all have probably assumed, I need to go back to England. I have things that need to be done there, several loose ends, as it were, that I have to take care of. But I plan on dividing my time between here and England as much as I can. I will bring Willow back when the time is right."

Anya watches Buffy's face as she digests the news. She and Dawn exchange a long glance, and finally Buffy nods. "Is she going to be… okay?"

"I don't know," Giles says. He struggles with words. "I don't know." His voice is sad. He looks around the Magic Box. "This store, as you can see, has sustained major damage and there is little to be done for now. It will remain closed temporarily until it is rebuilt and restocked."

Xander glances at Anya. "An, I'm so sorry. It should only take a few weeks to get it back to shape."

Anya smiles softly. "I know."

Buffy frowns. "Well, what are you going to do until then? You can stay at my house. You know that."

Anya's smile becomes bigger. "Thanks, but there will be no need for that. I'm going on a, well, a business trip of sorts. Yay!"

"Huh?" Dawn says.

Anya nods in excitement. "Giles, as co-owner of The Magic Box, suggested that I accompany him back to England. I'm going to do research, and find all sorts of new and exciting merchandise to stock... I haven't been to England in so long. Since the mid-nineteenth century, I'd say. And, wow, I'm talking fast aren't I? Actually, it was my idea. Giles is just going to have to tolerate me for a bit. So, that's that for me." Anya swallows and takes a deep breath, waiting for a reaction.

"That's awesome that you're going to come back and forth, Giles," Dawn says. "Keep my big sister in line."

Buffy shoots Dawn an amused look, then turns her attention on Giles and Anya. "When are you guys leaving? That's so cool. I've never been anywhere." ****

Giles looks at Anya. Anya looks at Xander. 

"I need to get away," she says to Xander. 

Xander nods. He seems to understand and he tries to smile. "So are you teleporting or flying?"

"Flying," Anya says. "I've never been on a plane. Like, ever. But I'll be back. And I'll bring British presents for all of you. So, what's this whole duty-free concept, and is it available at all airports?"****

*****

Anya has been living out of a suitcase in the back of the Magic Box, so she is ready to go that day. She has all sorts of identification: California driver's license, social security card, and thankfully, a passport. The Scooby gang has left, and the Magic Box is silent. Maybe she will be back, maybe she won't, Anya thinks, looking around.

"Goodbye, loyal cash register," she says, patting the metal box tenderly.****

"Anya…" Giles warns. He is standing in the doorway, watching her.

"Sorry. I've never been away from Sunnydale before. I'm going to miss this place."

"Come here."

Anya walks over to Giles. He puts his hand behind her head and pulls her in for a long, lazy kiss.

"Can we do that on the plane? A lot?"

"If you insist," he answers, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear. 

"We shouldn't lie," she says.

"I know."

"Is it bad? What we did? What we are doing, Giles?" she asks as she pulls on her jacket.

Giles puts his hands in his pockets. "I suppose, yes, in several hundred ways, it is wrong."

 "Then why does it feel right?"

Giles shrugs, his eyes studying her face until she grows warm. "I don't know. But it does."

She smiles. "I like who I am when I'm with you, Giles. Even though you're officially much, much younger than me."

She links her arm through his, and the door swings shut behind them.

*****

He finds the envelope when he gets home. She must have slid it under the door sometime today. The letter is brief.

_I don't know what's going to happen, but I know for now, you and I just can't be. I think back on our wedding day, and how hurt I was, and then how I hurt you. There is so much pain there. But I want you to know that I will always think of you as a friend and as a person I once loved. We loved each other as much as a couple of high school or college-age kids could love. I think we both know on some level you need someone different from me. Basically, someone non-demony. I'm sorry for all the times I embarrassed you, or acted wrong. But I feel very grown up now, and you helped me get here. I think I'm starting to like who I am._

_I don't know when I'm coming back, but I was hoping you could hold onto something for me. I won't be needing it. _

_Take care of Buffy and Dawn. They need you, and they love you._

_Thank you for saving the world, and for saving all of us._

_- Anya_

Xander reaches in the envelope and draws out the amulet. He hadn't even noticed she wasn't wearing it earlier at the Magic Box. He holds it up and watches the stone catch the light, and he shakes his head and smiles a little.

**The End**


End file.
